Pat’s Top Ten Orthodox Catholic Pick-Up Lines

Okay, all you single Catholics who are searching for just the right thing to say to make a good first impression on that cute single Catholic you have your eyes on (chastely, of course), here’s my classic top ten list of time-tested, sure-fire, often-imitated-but-never-improved-upon Orthodox Catholic Pick-Up Lines (please use them responsibly, and always give proper attribution!) . . .

Patrick Madrid’s Orthodox Catholic Pick-Up Lines —

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?

9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we’re having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?

8. Sorry, but I couldn’t help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?

6. You don’t like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!

5. Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.

4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.

3. You’ve got stunning scapular-brown eyes.

2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

1. Confess here often?

NOTE: This is an oldie but goodie from way back in my early days publishing Envoy Magazine. I do a top-ten list (with the help of excellent input from some other very funny Catholic guys) in each issue, but this particular top ten list seems to have been the most popular. You can check out some of the other “Pat’s Top Ten” l


  1. Chris Faddis

    Perhaps irreverant but my favorite of my own is… Do you want to theologize the body together? or many irreverant variations thereof. 🙂

  2. Patrick Madrid

    Thanks, Chris. But since I’ve spent so many years dealing with Mormons, JWs, and other such folks, I think I’d rather just talk about “safe sects.” Stick with what you know, right?

  3. Vincetastic

    Patrick,This is an awesome top ten list, not sure how Catholics would feel about it. I wanted to let you know you can post this to our site and then link back to your site. We are looking for content and in return our users will track back to your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.Vince

  4. QdScUfcKz8U78YKh6.Jl37i7FJKfew1ryNrFWTS5i91t

    Here’s one of my favorites:”I lost my rosary. Can I use your fingers instead?”I’ve seen a lot of these in a Facebook group entitled “Pick-up lines for Catholics.” Check it out…there’s a couple more great ones there.

  5. Steve

    “safe sects” BAWHAHAA

  6. Marion

    There’s an awesome list out on Lifeteen that my daughter was telling me about!

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